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Advertising Industry Satire

It Wasn’t Me. I Was Told To.

By Advertising Industry SatireNo Comments

I used to be a reasonably sane, somewhat boring human being.
A decaf-latte type. Soft opinions. Cardigans in spring.

But then, I entered advertising.
And suddenly, the whisper began:

“Be bold, brave, and different.”
Like everyone else around you.

So I studied the uniform: all-black wardrobe, circle glasses, “creative” sneakers that cost 2x rent in the countryside. I downloaded the dialect: Droga quotes, W+K worship, performative disdain for briefs (until the client calls). I learned the ritual: the gravel-voiced manifesto, the slow-mo footage, the obligatory NGO spot no one asked for.

Within months… well, maybe years, I became it: The Average Adman.

You know the vibe: he sits on stools in panel talks, says “storytelling” like it’s sacred scripture, has at least one Medium piece titled “Advertising is dead.”

I mastered the cult choreography:
→ Arrive late, but ideologically.
→ Drag “mediocrity” while designing the same carousel for three FMCG clients.
→ Use “disruptive” to describe oat milk. Again.

They… (They is not an actual person but an entity that hunts the industry)… So yes, they told us to be brave but only in pre-approved, pastel-safe ways. Say something “radical,” just not enough to spook any client director. Push boundaries, until legal coughs. Be rebellious but backed by a 42-slide Keynote and a safety net of case studies.

And you start to wonder: Are we admen or just content sommeliers, sniffing notes of disruption in the algorithm’s latest blend? What once felt electric, risk, point of view, gut instinct…. got rewired into compliance. And by pitch five, “breaking the rules” started to feel like buying it on subscription.

It felt as if the industry didn’t want individuals. It wanted a very specific kind of different. Different but pre-approved, pitch-safe, Instagrammable. In fact, what looked like rebellion was just onboarding. We weren’t hired to invent. We were hired to repackage. To turn bold into safe.

By year three, I wasn’t making ideas. I was crafting tributes: homages to Cannes winners past, strung together with slightly edgier fonts. A remix of last year’s disruption, with better lighting and a subtle touch of DE&I.

We didn’t break the mold. We built a store selling it in four neutral tones. We drank the Kool-Aid. And then rebranded it for Gen Z with a pastel palette and a paid influencer collab.

And the kicker?

It’s not that advertising rejected originality. It just that more often than not, the industry draged it through so many “alignment meetings” it ends up as a shampoo ad narrated by Morgan Freeman’s cousin.

The real enemy wasn’t mediocrity. It was the performance of originality. The illusion of individuality, printed in Helvetica across every glass wall:

“Be Bold. Be Brave. Be Exactly Like the Last Award-Winning Case Study.”

This industry didn’t kill creativity. It replaced it, very efficiently, with a “brave” idea that works across 14 formats and already has a paid media plan.

Why am I writing in past tense?  Well, with AI I’m not sure that industry I meet a few days ago even exists anymore. Or maybe it’s just a wish because humans we are very good at doing the same differently. New tools, same shit. Hope I’m wrong (Damn, I know I’m not).

In fact, that’s also the true genius of advertising: Tell you to stand out, while handing you the costume. Give you the mold and told you it’s clay. Send you to Cannes, to realize: everyone’s wearing the same black t-shirt, quoting the same truths, chasing the same algorithm.

But that’s okay.

It really is.

It unites us.

Makes us part of a herd.

So, we’re not alone.

We just are…

The Average Adman.

Bold. Brave. Undifferent.

(Voiceover by gravel guy, obviously.)

PS: So yes, if still needed, I’m here to help you fit in, within the different herd.

Uniforms sold separately here.

The Aesthetic of the Bold, Brave and Different

By Advertising Industry SatireNo Comments
Or Why Every Brand Trying to Zig Ends Up in the Same Moodboard.

 

This is not an article.
It’s a borderline pretentious discourse
disguised as cultural exorcism.
Let us begin, as all self-proclaimed
brave campaigns do, with a manifesto:
What was the last ad that shook you?
Not entertained you.
Not impressed you.
Shook you.
Really shook you.
Hard to name one.
Because the boldest, bravest, most different things
don’t happen in adland.
They happen in life.
A parent dies.
You have a baby and lose yourself.
You’re fired.
You’re cheated on.
You slip into poverty.
You sit on a 2am bus after a shift with no end.
You nurse a parent who no longer knows your name.
You collapse. No one claps.
These are the things that rip you open.
Not an ad.
No matter how hard it tries.
Advertising was never meant to compete with that.
It was meant to perform.
To build salience.
Create memory.
Move units.
That’s why the aesthetic of bold, brave and different isn’t a reality.
It’s a performance.
Once, we had gorillas playing drums.
Horses riding the sea.
Yellow puppets selling jeans.
Meerkat puppets.
But…
Apple’s puppets?
Virgin’s riding animals??
AI gorillas with selfies sticks???!
That’s how boldness becomes an aesthetic:
A repeatable palette of ideas, jokes and styles.
Bravery turned into choreography.
Different turned into the same Different.
If your brand looks like it might have opinions, it gets applauded.
Even if the opinion is just: “We see you.”
(The legal team sees you too.)
Innovation moved elsewhere.
Into the font.
The illusion of edge.
The gravel added to the VO.
What remains isn’t a campaign.
It’s a cultural dress rehearsal.
This isn’t creativity.
It’s creative cosplay.
Brands aren’t taking risks.
They’re too scared to be ugly.
Too polished to be real.
And the industry knows it.
It’s full of exhausted insiders
who know exactly what gets approved.
People who had their genuinely brave ideas killed often enough
to learn a safer kind of different.
So they pitch what clients buy.
What juries nod at.
What gets 59 LinkedIn likes by Monday.
(Hey, I know this isn’t your case. I’m just projecting my own shit
onto the world. Bear with me… or don’t. All good, either way.)
We systematized creativity.
Optimized it.
Built a loop that feeds itself better than it feeds us.
Together, this turns boldness into an illusion.
Everyone’s playing the game.
Even the rebels.
Especially the rebels.
The result?
Predictable edginess.
Prefab provocation.
Safe danger.
Manufactured chaos.
Like the kind I’m recreating here.
And no. AI didn’t kill creativity.
It just held up the mirror:
We’ve been machines for years.
Our visual grammar is so templated, so echo-chambered,
that a machine can now recreate an entire
2025 Cannes pitch deck in seconds.
And this changes nothing.
The industry will keep prompting what worked.
Clients will approve what they’ve seen.
The aesthetics of boldness, bravery and difference
will be absorbed, flattened and mass-produced.
AI just lowered the cost of pretending.
But don’t blame the machine.
Blame the hunger.
The scarcity mindset behind all this yelling.
The belief that if we don’t cry louder, we won’t be fed.
Because that’s the real aesthetic of boldness.
Not edge.
Fear.
We perform boldness because we fear invisibility.
We perform bravery because we fear irrelevance.
We perform difference because we fear replacement.
What do scared people do?
They scream.
We are professionalized crying.
Brands yelling louder, hoping someone, anyone, looks their way.
Let’s continue this dissertation:
(yes, I don’t really know what I’m doing and I’m slightly ashamed).
So, many brands aren’t just scared.
They don’t even know who they are.
So they outsource personality to aesthetics and call it identity.
They borrow codes.
Pay agencies to find a “tone.”
And most products don’t matter.
Sugared water.
Edible foam.
Energy drinks in a world already exhausted.
We’re asked to sell things with
no intrinsic difference from the thing beside them.
So we paint them.
Wrap them.
Choreograph them into meaning.
Advertising doesn’t sell products anymore.
It sells excuses for their existence.
That’s what makes the Average Adman.
Not a person.
A process.
He’s the inevitable byproduct of
the aesthetic of the Bold, Brave and Different.
He saw the broken mirror too late.
Mid-career.
Already trapped in the circus.
So he stays.
And performs.
And this article?
It’s part of the show too.
Just another baby crying —
hoping mum looks this way.
— The Average Adman
Adjunct Professor of Scented Puppetry
Dean of the Faculty of Crying Louder Than the Other Baby
Guest Lecturer at the School of Algorithmic Repetition